A:
Yeah, so... Bought some flowers yesterday.
B:
For whom?
A:
For myself. ... I just thought they'd be kind of nice in the apartment. Look nice.
B:
...
A:
I know.
B:
You know what I'm going to say here, man, but I gotta say it. Don't get weird.
A:
I know.
B:
You gotta not get weird, seriously man.
A:
I
B:
It's going to happen. It's happening already! You have some random, weird thought, "Wow, some flowers would be nice! Well why not? They're even on sale! I'll buy some for my apartment!" And the subconscious part of your brain is malfunctioning right now, we all know that, and the part that's going to keep you from getting weird will be preoccupied, and the weirdness will slip through. And you'll go home and put flowers on your nightstand or whatever.
A:
It's totally reasonable to buy flowers. They look nice!
B:
I know they do, brother, I know they do. And that's the shame of it really. But I'll tell you what's going to happen. You're going to buy those flowers, and you're not going to be thinking one day, or God help you, you're going to think it will actually impress someone, and you're going to bring up that you bought flowers. And they're going to think you're weird. They won't know you like I do. You know I love you. I know why you got flowers, man, I understand. You remember me last year. I've been there. But no one else will know. They'll just think you're weird.
A:
Well. Fine. Jesus. They're just a plant.
B:
Remember Friday? Remember that? Remember when Tabitha came kind of late, and asked you how it was going, and you were kind of drunk by then, and you told her? And everybody got really quiet, and it was weird?
A:
... Yeah.
B:
Yeah man, you gotta not do that. Seriously. I mean it, it will bite you. You'll think you're being liberated, or free, or whatever, but you're just being weird. You gotta not be weird. Promise?
A:
Yeah, man, it's
B:
Promise?
A:
Yeah. Yeah, I promise.