A:
Hey, you want a soda?
B:
Yeah, sure, what do you have diet?
A:
Uh... it looks like the diet is all gone, actually, you want a Coke?
B:
Ehhh. No thanks, I'll just have water.
A:
Whoa. Health nut. Remember what Woody Allen said: "You can live to be 100, but you have to give up everything that would make you want to live to be 100."
B:
I hate that. I hate all those kinds of quotes. It's a disgusting view of what makes life worth living. Without high-fructose corn syrup, Woody Allen would kill himself. "God, cigarettes are bad for me? Forget it, shoot me now."
A:
Well, I think he's talking about other stuff.
B:
Like what?
A:
I don't know. Red meat?
B:
Red meat is fine for you, if you eat it in reasonable portions and not too often. And if you can live with the unnecessary suffering you're causing by eating other living, thinking things by eating meat. But that's something else entirely.
A:
Well, why do you want live to be 100?
B:
I don't! Or I don't know if I do. But if I do want to live to be 100, it wouldn't be to consume more trans-fat acids. It'd be to see great-grandchildren, or... I don't know. See where the internet goes, see what happens in technology. Spend more time with my family. Make friends. Normal, wholesome things, not something base like "Eating sweets!" Hurray, candy! I'd slit my own throat before I stopped eating sweets! Mmmm!
A:
Alright, don't
B:
It's actually consistent with the rest of Woody Allen's life, he's a really sick guy. You know he married his step-daughter, right?
A:
Is that what happened?
B:
Well, he was with Mia Farrow for like 10 years, and Mia Farrow had an adopted step-daughter named Soon-Yi. And then Farrow found pictures of him naked with her daughter, and kicked him out, and then he and Soon-Yi got married, he was almost 60 and she was 20 or something?
A:
Gross.
B:
Yeah, he's disgusting. The idea that only low-level, physical pleasures are the only thing that make life worth living squres nicely with the kind of perverted individual that would sleep with his girlfriend's daughter.